Connecting With Someone For Dating

I quit my job, divorced, and sold all my furniture in the house. I acquired a huge pile of money close to a million dollar after I got divorced and put the money in dozen or more checking  accounts. That is freedom, baby, I said to myself.

I didn’t like being alone. I am the sort of person who likes to sleep with a young girl, preferably naked. I wanted a sugar baby.

I had a table and one chair and I had a sofa in the apartment in New York. Apartment in New York is expensive. I did not want to buy furniture or kitchen stuff.

I had no plates in my kitchen. I had a mattress on the floor. That was the extent of my furniture. I sat on that one chair and made it a full time job to find the woman of my dreams.

You may not want to meet the love of your life. You might want to meet the “love of the next six months.” Or…”the love of the next week.” That’s fine also. Nobody can predict the future. I know I am horrible at predicting the future.


I saw an article recently, “how to bang a lot of chicks.” That’s not what I mean by quantity. In fact, that’s the opposite of quantity. If anything, if you follow that strategy you may be slapped.

I had plenty of time to sign up for lots of dating sites and send at least 100 messages a day to women.

I would arrange dates for lunch, dinner, whenever. I’d travel 40 miles to go on a date. Some women wanted to talk on the phone. I’d set aside an hour or two a day to talk on the phone.

But nothing really mattered until I met the person.

If you meet ten people you think you are attracted to, you might actually be only attracted to one. The other thing is: given my situation most women didn’t even respond to my messages. So quantity was critical.

B) Ask out everyone


Dating is like war. You have to consider every angle, you have to be flexible, you can’t rely on what worked for you in the past, and you have to be very open-minded.

I know this sounds pathetic. I don’t care what people think. This is why I deliberately made this a too-long-to-read post. Anyway, this is what I did.

C) Mystique


I put up no picture on any dating site. Making use of my “nothing”.

Someone told me, or I read somewhere (I forget) that mystique is a key part of charisma. I have no idea if this is true.

Most women won’t consider clicking on a profile with no picture. If they did, though, then it meant I could start having a conversation with them and take it to the next level. They had already passed a significant hurdle in clicking on me (a profile with no picture) so they had something “invested” in me being interesting.

This is equivalent the Hare Krishnas giving out a flower before asking for money. You took the flower. You are in!


D) Say no

My biggest rule: Saying NO when everything seemed great.

If I liked a girl, she was pretty, we went on a date, and it was all systems go, BUT I knew this was not going to be a long-term relationship for whatever reason… then I said “No” and would leave before anything would happen.

A spider can get stuck in it’s own web  and I didn’t want to spin anything I would have a hard time getting out of. This is really the most important rule.

Too many people go to bed too quickly. Two problems then:

– now you have a situation to deal with.

– if she goes to bed quickly with you, she might go to bed quickly with someone else. I don’t like feeling jealous on my nights off.

So I liked girls who said “No” also.

And, this is not in a manipulative way. None of this was manipulative. But finding someone who is a good person, who you legitimately like and want to go out with, is not magic. It’s not about destiny or fate.

It’s about hard work, psychology, and economics.

E) Out-no the woman.

I didn’t want to seem like I was in a rush or anything. But the reality was, I was shy and liked to take it slow. So it was easy for me to say that. And it threw her off a bit. Mission accomplished!

And I guess there is a little bit of gamesmanship in there. Not only would she not feel pressure but maybe she would feel nervous. OK, I admit to a tiny bit of manipulation.

F) Fast first date

I was such an idiot, always setting up dinners with women. To be honest, you know in a few seconds if you’re going to be attracted enough to consider spending the rest of your life with that person.

One time I drove for an hour for a dinner with a woman who was from Eastern European country. Within two seconds I knew not for me. But there I was in a two hour dinner and then another hour long drive home. No good.

So we I decided to met for a cup of cofee. And she had a specific timeline. She had a 5 p.m. train to catch in New York. So it had to stop at a certain point no matter what.

G) Research

I found another girl.  She first wrote me that she was from Montevideo. I wrote back, “Great! I’ve never been to Uruguay.” Thankfully she jumped over another hurdle to meet me by ignoring my total stupidity.

It shows you either how useless years of formal education is or how stupid I was. Maybe both.

Other situations: I went on a date with someone interested in Kaballah. I read everything I could about it in a 3 hour period and was able to drop all the right terms and sound impressive. Again, this sounds manipulative and it is but two things:

– I fully admit I was in a weaker position.

The myth of manipulation is that the manipulator is somehow “stronger” than the person being manipulated.

But no manipulation ever occurs unless the one doing the manipulating is weaker. That was me. Weak.

– I really wanted to see if I could be interested in the other person’s interests. Particularly since at the time I had almost no interests other than just let it go, drinking, and having sex. Oh, and I dreamed of being a stand-up comic.

H) Surprise!

I would surprise on every date. Sometimes I would buy offbeat gifts (again, the famous Hare Krishna technique).

I also had a list of carefully researched outlandish places all over the city where I could take people on dates. Hidden restaurants, all-dark restaurants, offbeat places that nobody would expect, etc.

Sometimes I would go to the restaurant the day before and pay and tip with all two dollar bills. So when I arrived there the next day with my date I would be treated differently than other customers. I know this is starting to sound more and more loser-ish, but I can’t help it. This is what I did. And it worked!

Connecting with another person is very difficult. I had to use every law of psychology and economics to help me.